Chicken Fried Vogue

For 15 years and most of her adult life, Bubblez lived in the suburbs of a major metropolitan city. She enjoyed taking her children to museums, parks, and dates at Starbucks. Then Bubblez moved to the country and her En Vogue attitude got chicken fried. Her yard is a park where the neighbor's rooster won't stop crowing, Starbucks is almost an hour away, and her large collection of fancy shoes is worthless. But, living in the acres of green has presented more opportunities for living "green" as Bubblez travels the path toward self-sufficiency (and bitches ((and prays)) along the way).

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Do I Look Obsessive In These Jeans?

So, I lost 1 1/2 pounds this week, and yeah, that's good, I guess. If it was the stock market, I would be pleased to have recovered last weeks losses (or in this case, gains). I guess I'm just annoyed because after that initial 5 pound drop, I thought this was gonna be a piece of... well, not cake, apparently. I felt like i did really well last week with the food thing. I did slip up over the weekend and down a 6 pack and a couple of hoagies. I suppose that may have cost me 1/2 pound. Lands, but my shoes feel far away.

For those of you who are keeping track, I also bought a pack of cigarettes. Friday was a bad day emotionally. I had to try to explain to a teenage kid why he should not try to get involved with the older woman he has a crush on, and then I ended up getting so frustrated with a friend of mine that I lost my temper and told them what I really think about their relationship issues. It sounded something similar to, "I don't know why the hell she even puts up with you. She's obviously really stupid because, from my perspective, you're an asshole." I mean, some of you won't believe this, but I usually try to keep my mouth shut in these situations. You know, i don't live in your house. I don't know what it's really like for you. What I do know, and this is from experience, is that it is almost always the fault of both parties involved when a relationship goes wrong. But, for some reason, on Friday, I snapped and blurted out the truth as I see it.

There's no news on the job/Ohio thing, either. Hubbie said he wasn't sure he wanted the job, but he's waiting to see what kind of offer they make.

Anyway, I feel like I am becoming possitvely obsessed with the idea that i must lose more weight and lose it quickly, while simultaniously being plagued by thoughts of 'oh what the hell difference does it make.' It's a little strange, but mostly, I think it's dangerous to the overall goal of simply being more healthy. Drat.

Today, I ate some yogurt for breakfast and then showered and thought i'd have a frosted brownie with my coffee. The sugar made me feel awful. I won't be having anymore of those brownies, but I did munch a few chocolate pieces later in the day. Hmmm... I'm just now noticing that my diet is jogging (well, not really... perhaps it should be, though) in the same way my mind is. I eat something healthy, and then something unhealthy, and then try to not eat much because I ate something unhealthy. That's not good. I so do not want to give up my sugar. But, i don't have to, right? That's part of what i'm trying to prove here. It's not about self-denial or punishment.  What is up with me?

Two pounds a week is a healthy loss. I need to remember that. I need to be good with fluctuation. Ugh! I need to stop worrying about the scale and focus on what's going into my body and my energy level and my skin tone and how i feel. I could also do some better planning.

Shoot.... tomorrow, then.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

It's The Middle of The Day and I'm Bloggin

I slept so well last night. I mean, really well. It was great. The man was out of town for his job interview, and I got the whole bed to myself, which I LOVE. I love having the freedom to stretch out in every direction or to flop around like a fish. i love being able to put the pillows anywhere I please. I don't know what sleeping well has to do with anything, but I feel great, and as such, am daytime blogging. Right on.

I have been doing so well with my diet this week. I hate calling it a diet. A more applicable term would be 'lifestyle plan' but that sounds like a PC version of something that would be frowned upon when spoken of in traditional Hillbilly-speak, and it just isn't like that. The thing is, it's not just a diet. Yes, I am watching my caloric intake, "dieting". But I am doing so with an attitude of permanent change (or else I'll just get fat again), and I have not had a single cigarette all week. I have been keeping up with my little 8 minute dealies, but they're getting harder, as in, more intense. I know I'll be sore tomorrow. You do 4 minutes worth of arm curls or squats and not hurt. I haven't had any liquor this week, either. Although, that is mostly because I had way too much last week, and I am trying to bring balance back to the force. Also, I don't drink when the man is out of town, and i am solely responsible for my youngins.

I told him a few days ago, that if he moves to Ohio ahead of us, that we will be saving some money at the liquor store because I won't drink if he's not here. He almost didn't believe me. He was honestly dismayed. I've been mulling that over in my mind, and I figure, first of all, that he has forgotten that I really never drank much at all until about 2 years ago. Also, I believe that he actually drinks more when I am away than what he does when i am here, so he could be projecting his own actions onto me. Mostly, i think he believes that I am completely irresponsible, and that, my friends, just pisses me off. It totally pisses me off, but there's nothing I can do about it. You try arguing with someone who makes up their own version of reality and believes that which is in their head over any outside opposing evidence. I guess while he's gone, I had better keep a good record of where I spend money.

...........................................................................

Tuesday:
B: oatmeal
S: yogurt
L: egg, cheese, and turkey on an English muffin
S: 2 pieces of chocolate
D: lean hamburger with spaghetti sauce, garlic bread, salad
S: 1 piece of chocolate, cheese and crackers

Wednesday
B: egg, cheese, turkey on English muffin
L: lentil soup, apple sauce
S: 1 chocolate
D: chicken breast, 1/2 baked potato with butter and sour cream, broccoli and carrots

Thursday
B: yogurt and oatmeal
to be cont....

See, not bad. ;)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Can You Say Slacker?

So, the hubbie and I went out for beer and pizza last night. (Did I mention that I gained a pound last week?) We talked about his upcoming job interview in Ohio and what he would be moving with him if he does, in fact, take a job there. It's crazy stuff to be thinking about. Will he take the tv? How about the microwave? Which dresser? I guess he'll need bedding and towels and dishes. Shit. It's almost like packing someone off to college. It's nerve wracking if I think about it too much. I spent a lot of today weeping, BUT I did not smoke or drink (unlike last week, ahem) or over eat.

I did my 8 minutes this morning. (I missed one day last week because I was too hungover to move.) I ate a bowl of cereal and a banana for breakfast. Lunch was a balogna and cheese sammich. I had a little chocolate in the afternoon, 2 pieces, and then 2 tacos with a salad for dinner. A little while ago, I had 2 crackers and a piece of cheese. Now, if I can be this responsible for myself all week, I'll have something to feel good about.

So, back to beer and pizza.. We also talked a lot about our relationship and finally made some decent communication headway. It didn't fix any problems, but it was kind of nice to feel like we actually understood each other for a change. Once upon a time, we were always on the same wavelength and never had any trouble knowing where the other person was coming from. It really throws a wrench in things when you lose that.

I let him read one of my blogs. He hasn't seen any yet. He said it seems like i hide all of my writing from him. I guess i kinda do. The subject came up because i was telling him that I pretty much write exactly how I speak. He was asking if I spend a lot of time thinking about what I'm going to say, and I told him no. I just put it out there the same way I would if I was just talking to you. So, i let him read one. He said that I could probably be good if I practiced. I told him I have no desire to be a great writer. He also said that he is a poor judge. Between you and me, I agree.

So, what else is going on? I am finally finished with all of the drywall repair work in my daughters' room, and plan to begin painting in there tomorrow. I will paint all day, and run errands in the evening. I need to take the oldest to pick up her new glasses, go to the post office so that i can get the last of the MWDAS calendars in the mail, and I need groceries for the rest of the week.

I've found that it is easy to plan meals for either myself or the rest of the family, but not both at the same time. This is weird because generally, we eat the same things. I just have more veggies. Oh but wait. We only eat the same things for dinner. For lunch I'm serving up chicken nuggets and corn dogs to the kids while i eat salad or soup or yogurt or something. Breakfast is a similar thing, except they feed themselves for that meal.

Yes, and about that calendar, I'm thinking of opening up the orders for another week, but am doubting my ability to keep up. I'm so tired, and you know it's just going to get worse. I do so hate to be a disappointment. I'll let you know.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Daily Cooter

Man, it feels good to let the girls loose. You know what I'm sayin'? At the end of the day, i don't know about you small breasted women out there, but for those of us who carry a good 25% of our body weight in our tatas, that feels really good.

There will be no talk of cooters in this blog. I just wanted to see how it would look if someone were to actually write that.

Well, kids, I haven't much of anything interesting to say tonight. I've been doing my 8 minute exercises, but haven't felt like kicking that up into anything bigger yet. I have had an interesting decrease in appetite, and I'm going to blame whore-moans for that again. I've been kind of mopey, and I don't want to eat.

Here's what slid down the ole gullet yesterday:
yogurt and oatmeal for breakfast
about 1/2c bean soup, cheese, crackers, and a clementine around lunchtime
some grapes, cheese and crackers for a snack
a bowl of leftover chili and some chocolate

Today:
yogurt
half a monte cristo sammy
a little candy
chicken breast, rice, and a salad
cookie bar ('cause I made cookie bars - yum)

Nothing real exciting. You know, I just got these new cookbooks a couple of days ago. One is all desserts and it's like 2 inches thick. I swear it's almost as big as my Encarta Dictionary or my mother's family Bible. I haven't read much of it yet. I'm kind of looking forward to making some new recipes, but I'm lazy, and we're low on funds this week for stocking up on non-essentials. Desserts used to make me nervous, but i don't worry about them too much anymore. Considering that I eat candy every day, that should not surprise you.

Tomorrow, I get to go see my Fairy Godmother for a hair cut and an eyebrow wax. I haven't taken any pictures of myself since before Christmas... way before, like early December, and fat though I may be, it does not dampen my narcisism. I really need to get my act together and snap some pics. I got new hats for Christmas, and i know folks want to see them. I just haven't had the energy for it, ya dig?

Also, I've been in hiding.

Well, and ok. I'll be honest with you. This is terrible. I hate to even admit to it, but.. if I style my hair and put make-up on, my husband thinks he has permission to touch me (except on Sundays), and I've just really not felt like being friendly lately. Good grief, I can already hear you lecturing me. Save it ok. Let somebody else be the coach on finding your inner red hot mama and keeping your marriage healthy and lively in the bedroom. (I have that book if you want to read it.) I just want to look cute in my new shoes so that when I wear them down the grocery store runway, the other worn out women don't sneak pictures to post on their Facebook with snarky comments about trying to squeeze too much sausage into the casing. Are we talking sex again?

Cooter.

Good night.

Monday, January 10, 2011

What a Difference a..umm.. Week Makes

Here are some things I've noticed. My skin already looks better. My face was really starting to worry me. Between smoking and stress (and drinking too much and poor diet), my face was really starting to take on a distinctive "older" look. But I looked in the mirror today, and I looked.. better. My skin is a little bit clearer and more rosey, and my lines even seem smoother than before. It's incredible and I can't even begin to describe how much it pleases me.

I haven't talked to you about my smoking habit, cigarettes. I've never been a hard core smoker. I average 3 a day, I guess. I smoke a lot more when I'm traveling or drinking with friends, but at home, about 3. I've known for a while that the smoking was heightening my anxiety and stress levels. The funny thing about nicotine is, the more stressed you are, the more you want it. It's a vicious cycle. Anyway, I decided as part of my "get healthier" plan, I was going to try to put the ciggies down. This week, I smoked 3 cigarettes and 1 cigar. My husband buys cigars for the rare occasion when a casual smoke sounds nice to him. I smoked one because I was out of cigarettes and afraid to go buy a pack.

I'd say the non-smoking is going pretty well. I mention it because I know that has to also be affecting my skin. It wouldn't be fair of me to leave that information out. So, there's that, and the fact that I have had less alcohol and more water. Remember, all those fruits and veggies are loaded with water, too.

Today I ate a piece of toast for breakfast because I was running late for church. I slept really well last night, by the way, and I woke up feeling really good. I swear the more drugs (including booze) I have in my system, the worse I sleep. Last night I nodded off with a clean system. I felt great when I woke up. i even ironed a skirt to wear. That never happens.

Right. Anyway, for lunch I was pretty hungry and I had already fixed something for the rest of the family (eggs or various leftovers), so i had the option to wait even longer to eat after I made a decision and cooked something, or to just grab a yogurt and inhale it. i sure am glad that yogurt is good for you. i don't know about you, but the more hungry I am, the harder it is to make decisions about food. Everything sounds good and nothing sounds good. I ate the yogurt, and then I felt a little better, but everytime I walked past the counter, the brownies started whispering to me. Hey, brownies are carbs. AND brownies, actually, are fairly low calorie for a dessert item. I ate one. It was awesome. Then I was full, which is really cool, because it means my stomach is getting the shrink down hint.

I had a couple of chocolates for a snack later. At some point, I will stop doing that. I so love chocolate right now. Hmm, I wonder when my period will start.

For dinner I made a big pot of chili with meat and beans and A LOT of veggies. I ate a bowl of that with part of a peanut butter sandwich. Later on, I ate some more chocolate. Those Hershey's Drops are really good. A person could get hooked. I ate about 150 calories worth: not so bad. You don't have to worry, yet.

I'm going to sleep now, and I'm saving the end of today's blog until tomorrow after my weigh-in. I figured you'd want to know about it right away. Good night. :)

........................................

Good morning! Here are today's weigh-in results: 206.5. I'm down 5 pounds baby. That's a lot for a single week. It sure makes a statement about my previous lifestyle, too, doesn't it? Yikes!

Ok, new week. Let's go!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

One, Two, Skip A Few

Didn't take me long to fall out of the loop, did it? Never fear, my darlings, I have returned with news from the Fat (Back)Side.

Thursday started out well enough, I guess. I was still feeling a bit overwhelmed and stressed. I ate yogurt and oatmeal for breakfast, and snacked on a clementine later. That was good. Lunch was bean soup with cheese and crackers: not quite as good as breakfast, health-wise, but not bad, either. And then... *sigh*. And then, i made caramel corn, the amazing, kick-ass kind of caramel corn that uses Puff Corn which is more like a potato chip than anything even resembling it's low-cal look alike. I made caramel Puff Corn, and it was good. It was so good, I could not seem to stop eating it. I don't really even know how much I ate. Maybe it wasn't all that bad, but it certainly wasn't all that good, either, from a nutritional perspective. You know what I've got to say to that? Oh well.

I tried to redeem myself at supper. I ate half a bratwurst, a small piece of cheese with 2 crackers, and some carrot sticks in Ranch. But it was of little use. Hubby had to work late. He called, but the voicemail didn't come through, and the later it got, the more pissed off I was. I wanted a buzz. Period.

I drank a shot of Crown, smoked a little weed, ate some more caramel corn and a Dove chocolate, and some more cheese and crackers. Yeah.

The next morning, I wanted to start fresh and climb back on that weight-loss wagon. I ate some yogurt and an English muffin with butter and a cheese slice. Meh. I had one of those pre-packaged frozen chicken cordon bleu thingies for lunch. I had a salad with lettuce, carrots, an egg, a few Dorito crumbs and some Jalepeno Ranch dressing for dinner. Not a bad day, really, until I ate some more caramel corn, another piece of chocolate, and drank 2 shots of Crown. My Monday weigh-in is starting to frighten me, now.

By today, Saturday (btw, I haven't skipped my 8 minutes at all), I didn't sleep well, only about 4 hours. I woke up and was STARVING. I snuck to the kitchen and made some coffee, and tried to put off eating for a while longer, even though the book says to eat within the hour, because I knew that if i ate an early breakfast, my whole day would be off, and somewhere in there, I'd want a fourth meal. I got so hungry, I snuck one of those mini Reese Cups out of the kids' candy jar to go with my coffee (and let my body know that food would be coming eventually?). When "eventually" arrived i was famished and ready to eat the first thing i saw. The first thing I saw was a hamburger.

That's right. I opened the fridge, and there in a nice little baggie, was a leftover hamburger staring at me and looking positively scrumptious. Know what I did? I popped that bitch in the microwave with a little bleu cheese and ate it on a bun. Mmmm... burgers for breakfast! Honestly, it wasn't a bad thing to do at all. By the time lunch rolled around, my darling friend, Charlene, had helped me attach part of my weight loss goal to my newest must have pair of shoes, and I was feeling motivated and inspired! New shoes, you will be mine!

I ate yogurt, and then about 3 of the kids' leftover fish sticks, and a clementine, and then another clementine because they sure are small and it all fits inside of my book's allotment. As, i am typing this up, I am noticing the total swing into "eat as little as possible" mode. Darn it. That's not healthy, either. This is a little harder than I remembered, but then, that's the point in writing it all down, yes? I want to notice these things.

After a while, I ate 2 chocolate covered cherries, which I considered a snack. They were 140 calories vs the 100 I was supposed to have. *shrug* Can't change it now. For dinner, I had lettuce salad with one egg, a few Dorito crumbs, and the jalepeno Ranch dressing, again. Delish, I'm tellin ya. No, really, it's tasty fo sho. The rest of the family was eating pizza bread, so i had a small piece of that too. It smelled SO good.

The whole thing got topped off with a fresh warm brownie for dessert.

Now, here's what i'll tell ya. I most definately could have been more strict with myself this week, but that's just not how i roll. There has to be some room for a bad day or a late night drug induced attack of the munchies. The key is to not let it get out of control. One more day to finish off my week; let's see how I do.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Welp

I didn't write yesterday. I got high instead. Yes, I did. And tonight, well, it's a similar story, except I'm writing. I'm not writing about the diet, though. Yesterday, I made caramel corn, and I sort of felt like I fell off the wagon, but whatever.

Since i bothered to show up, I feel like I should at least make conversation. Do you feel that way when you are with people? Do you feel like you HAVE to talk, to MAKE conversation. I was with a friend not so along ago, and this is a friend who I rarely see; we were at dinner, eating, just sitting, and I said, "I feel like I should be small-talking." My friend smiled, sort of stretched, and looked around a little bit. They said, "No. No, you don't have to do that. Everything is perfect. Perfect." How beautiful is that?

How beautiful to feel perfect. Do you have anyone in your life who makes you feel perfect? I bet you take every opportunity to be near them, don't you? I got into a fight with mine.

I guess I've always been something of a loner, which is really freaking weird considering that I am extremely extraverted and generally get along great with people. I have an invisible wall. I appear to be wide open to many people. just the other day someone asked me a personal question and got way more info than they were looking for. "I didn't expect such honesty," they said. And why not? But there is a point, where one hits that wall. I suppose everyone has a wall, a secret private part of themselves that they hide, but not everyone has an invisible wall. i'm special like that.

Here's something interesting. The same person who made me feel perfect, found a way through the wall.

I'll be back, hopefully tomorrow with boring stories over drinking Crown and over eating caramel corn, and salad: lots of salad. G'night

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Day 3 only?

I don't want to talk to you today. Don't take it personally. Not everything is about you. I didn't sleep worth a darn last night and layed in bed today until 12:30. Depressed... worried... you dig.

So, here's the run down on what I ate today, bearing in mind that I slept through breakfast and lunch.

First i had a Greek yogurt and a bowl of cereal with milk. (I even measured out the serving. Wooo) After a while, i ate 2 pieces of Dove chocolate. For supper i grilled burgers. I ate a large burger (extra lean shit, though) on a bun with bleu cheese and lettuce. I had pickles and carrot sticks with ranch dressing. That was around 5:30. By 9:00, I was hungry and couldn't think of any good reason to not eat a slice of pie. By, 11:00 I was finishing off the left over pea soup. You're not supposed to do that, but oh well.

Now, it's 1:30am and i need to go to bed. I partook of some retail therapy earlier in the day, and that felt nice. I'm leaning toward doing a bit more here before nodding off for the night. Check ya later.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Day Two WAS a Good Day

Morning routine same as the day before, except this time I had to pee like a MF, so I took time to do that before the 8 minute exercises. I think the point of these exercises is just to let your body know that you are, in fact, awake, and it can rev up the ole metabolism any time it's ready. Also, there's something to do with muscle building. A lot of people roll their eyes at me when I tell them about the exercise part. It seems too easy to make a difference, but there does seem to be something to it. I decided I'm going to weigh in again next Monday just to prove myself.

Breakfast was turkey and egg on an English muffin, again. I frigging love them. I had some yogurt with it, too. (By the way, I ended up eating some yogurt last night after writing. i went grocery shopping and was so excited about all the yummy stuff i bought, i had to eat something. PS. This is a good time to tell you that my 'shift' key sticks, and I am too lazy to go back and fix every little 'i'.)

Today was a good day. Actually, it was a great day. The sun was shining brightly, my house was relatively clean, and I just had that wonderful, calm, peaceful, relaxed feeling that is so good. I snacked on a clementine, ate split pea soup with cheese and crackers for lunch, and gave the new master bath a thorough scrubbing. By "new" I mean, we traded bathrooms with the kids.

I also baked a pie. Oh yes, I did. A pumpkin pie.

I skipped my afternoon snack: ate a late lunch and sort of forgot about it until an hour before dinner, and since I knew I'd be having pie, I left the carbs off my dinner plate. We grilled lobster tails. My first time! And I made green beans (in bacon fat - booya!), and a salad of lettuce, Craisins, and goat cheese with a balsamic vinagrette. You have to try this salad. It's really good with fresh spinach. I think it might also be good with pecans (especially sugared pecans, yum), but I've never tried that. Oh, and you know that lobster got dipped in butter, right? You bet it did. After all of that, I had a lovely slice of pie topped with a dollop of Original Cool-Whip.

So, there. Man, I can not wait to get up and eat tomorrow.

The whole day really was marvelous. And then, during dessert, my husband announced that he was flying out of state Thursday night for a job interview on Friday. Hello anxiety. This is how I'm seeing my future: husband gets job and moves leaving wife and children to pack and sell house. Should do wonders for my 3 month plan, here, don't you think? Shit.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Monday, the Day of New

I really like to try starting new habits on Monday. I guess I feel it's easier to keep track of what I'm doing that way. Given that half the time I don't know what day of the week it actually is, my logic is faulty. Anyhow, I started today.

So, I woke up this morning and layed in bed for a few minutes like I always do, sort of wishing the day didn't have to start. After a while, I got up and.... ok, side note: my youngest child and my husband are playing the repeat game right now, and they're doing it RIGHT NEXT TO ME, and it's very distracting. Ok, anyway, I always keep a water glass next to the bed, so, once I managed to set my feet on the floor, I grabbed the glass and drained it. Everyone says a body needs lots of water, right? The next thing I did was grab my iphone and check my Facebook messages. This is pretty much a daily routine for me. Once I got through that, I decided it was time to grab that book I mentioned yesterday and glance through it, again. I knew there was some "rule" about when to eat and exercise in the morning. The rule is: exercise immediately and eat within the first hour of waking. The book (8 Minutes In The Morning: Real Shapes, Real Sizes by Jorge Cruise) has a list of simple (WAY simple) exercises to do each day. I did them while sitting on the side of my bed in my pj's.

Next was the unhappy part of starting a body change: the weigh-in. I debated over whether or not to share this information with you and figured, wth. So,  here it is, the big number: 211.5. The program in my book is a 28 day program designed to help you develop better habits. In the past, I have done the initial weigh-in and then refused to look at the scale until the end of the 28 days. For me, it's more motivating that way, but for anyone who is trying to change their weight, checking once a week is plenty. Any more often than that, and you might not get a dependable reflection of long term change.

Breakfast time. Man, I love food. I mean I really love food. I love cooking and creating food, and I believe that people are meant to enjoy what they eat. From my perspective, eating well, not only means eating what's good for you and in proper portion sizes, it also means eating stuff that tastes really great. Here's a wonderful strategy to keep in mind: if it isn't absolutely delicious or plain ole healthy, don't eat it. Another thing I learned when I previously did the program: bite 5 doesn't taste as good as bite 1. Anyway, today I ate 1 egg, 1 thin slice of turkey, and a small bit of Swiss cheese on an English muffin. The book says to have fruit for breakfast, too, but I'm too lazy, and it never sounds good at that time of day.

Oh, the book's portion rule! I love this. Half a plate of fruit or veggies, a quarter plate of protien, a quarter plate of carbs, a tablespoon of fat. Then you have a 100 calorie snack in between each meal, and a small dessert like a Reese Cup each night after dinner.

I drank another glass of water, and then poured my first cup of coffee which tasted really really yummy today, but it made me want chocolate, which kinda sucked. After a couple of hours I ate one of those Caramel Delight yogurts. I think Yoplait makes them. And a couple of hours after that, I made myself a salad for lunch: Romaine lettuce, a boiled egg, a thin slice of turkey cut up, a little Colby cheese, and some Ranch dressing. That got washed down with more water.

So far so good, right? Yeah, except that I have been beyond cranky today, and with each passing moment it's been getting worse. I'm not hungry, so that's not the problem. I think it's whore-moans. I have a feeling that those are going to be a problem throughout our adventure, here. I finally caved and ate 2 pieces of Dove chocolate for my afternoon snack. Soon after eating that, I broke a water glass.

I was supposed to try making lobster for supper tonight, but I was too frustrated with the way my day was going. The dog followed me around the house all day, whining, and the kids seemed like they were constantly fighting or being difficult in one way or another. Also, my house project wasn't going the way I hoped it would. I made spaghetti and garlic bread. I've learned that I can totally do without the pasta, but I enjoy the garlic bread too much to pass up, so I had some meat sauce with a slice of bread, and some lettuce with Ranch dressing.

The plan all day today was to have a shot of Crown Royal for dessert, but after supper I was sleepy and craving pastry like nobody's business. I ended up making some more coffee and eating a piece of caramel. I haven't got any pastry. Tomorrow, I might bake a pie.

In The Beginning

Originally posted in January 2011, this was my first blog.

So, here's the deal. I'm really not a big fan of the overly skinny figure. It's not that I don't know plenty of very lovely people who happen to also be quite thin. It's just that I, personally, find hard bodies somewhat unattractive. Basically, they're just not very huggable. When I was young, I had an aunt who was considered to be rather over weight. She also had HUGE knockers, and an even bigger heart. She gave the best hugs EVER. I wanted to be like her. She always seemed so happy.

Fast forward several years. I had just had my third baby and was grossly over weight, pushing 300 pounds. I got light headed when I bent over to pick up a toy (high blood pressure warning), and I had to hold my husbands arm to walk down the beach because my balance was so bad. I was only 30 years old. I was extremely unhealthy. What I really wanted was to be able to control my body movements, to be able to clean my house without feeling like i might pass out, and to have the energy to play with my kids. I didn't care what I looked like. I have been chubby my whole life. I was used to it.

When baby was a year old, I came across a dieting book that looked realistic and do-able for someone like me. I began following the program. Over the next year, I lost 75 pounds. Then,I got pregnant again. Baby number 4 is 4 years old, and I weight about 10 pounds over what I did when I conceived her. So, here's what I know: the plan I was following before worked, and it worked well enough for me to keep the bulk of that weight off.

The problem is that I am still a good 30 (or so) pounds over where I think I would feel the most comfortable. I saw a picture of myself a couple of weeks ago, and I didn't like the way I looked. Hmm, guess my priorities have changed. Also, I have these amazing high heels that I can't wear, and that is a serious downer.

So, for the next 3 months, I'm doing an experiment. I am going to reinstate the diet that I previously had success with, and then I am going to start working in some exercise because I get a huge rush out of the belief that I have a powerful body.I have no idea what will happen with my weight during this time. I'm going to blog about it. I'm going to write about what I eat and how I move, but I'm also going to write about what is happening in my life that causes me stress. Sometimes, I'll bitch. Sometimes, you'll be walking away thinking TMI, Bubbz! And because it's me, there's a good chance you will often be thinking to yourself, "what an over inflated cocky-ass bitch."

Let's begin.