Chicken Fried Vogue

For 15 years and most of her adult life, Bubblez lived in the suburbs of a major metropolitan city. She enjoyed taking her children to museums, parks, and dates at Starbucks. Then Bubblez moved to the country and her En Vogue attitude got chicken fried. Her yard is a park where the neighbor's rooster won't stop crowing, Starbucks is almost an hour away, and her large collection of fancy shoes is worthless. But, living in the acres of green has presented more opportunities for living "green" as Bubblez travels the path toward self-sufficiency (and bitches ((and prays)) along the way).

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Do I Look Obsessive In These Jeans?

So, I lost 1 1/2 pounds this week, and yeah, that's good, I guess. If it was the stock market, I would be pleased to have recovered last weeks losses (or in this case, gains). I guess I'm just annoyed because after that initial 5 pound drop, I thought this was gonna be a piece of... well, not cake, apparently. I felt like i did really well last week with the food thing. I did slip up over the weekend and down a 6 pack and a couple of hoagies. I suppose that may have cost me 1/2 pound. Lands, but my shoes feel far away.

For those of you who are keeping track, I also bought a pack of cigarettes. Friday was a bad day emotionally. I had to try to explain to a teenage kid why he should not try to get involved with the older woman he has a crush on, and then I ended up getting so frustrated with a friend of mine that I lost my temper and told them what I really think about their relationship issues. It sounded something similar to, "I don't know why the hell she even puts up with you. She's obviously really stupid because, from my perspective, you're an asshole." I mean, some of you won't believe this, but I usually try to keep my mouth shut in these situations. You know, i don't live in your house. I don't know what it's really like for you. What I do know, and this is from experience, is that it is almost always the fault of both parties involved when a relationship goes wrong. But, for some reason, on Friday, I snapped and blurted out the truth as I see it.

There's no news on the job/Ohio thing, either. Hubbie said he wasn't sure he wanted the job, but he's waiting to see what kind of offer they make.

Anyway, I feel like I am becoming possitvely obsessed with the idea that i must lose more weight and lose it quickly, while simultaniously being plagued by thoughts of 'oh what the hell difference does it make.' It's a little strange, but mostly, I think it's dangerous to the overall goal of simply being more healthy. Drat.

Today, I ate some yogurt for breakfast and then showered and thought i'd have a frosted brownie with my coffee. The sugar made me feel awful. I won't be having anymore of those brownies, but I did munch a few chocolate pieces later in the day. Hmmm... I'm just now noticing that my diet is jogging (well, not really... perhaps it should be, though) in the same way my mind is. I eat something healthy, and then something unhealthy, and then try to not eat much because I ate something unhealthy. That's not good. I so do not want to give up my sugar. But, i don't have to, right? That's part of what i'm trying to prove here. It's not about self-denial or punishment.  What is up with me?

Two pounds a week is a healthy loss. I need to remember that. I need to be good with fluctuation. Ugh! I need to stop worrying about the scale and focus on what's going into my body and my energy level and my skin tone and how i feel. I could also do some better planning.

Shoot.... tomorrow, then.

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