Chicken Fried Vogue

For 15 years and most of her adult life, Bubblez lived in the suburbs of a major metropolitan city. She enjoyed taking her children to museums, parks, and dates at Starbucks. Then Bubblez moved to the country and her En Vogue attitude got chicken fried. Her yard is a park where the neighbor's rooster won't stop crowing, Starbucks is almost an hour away, and her large collection of fancy shoes is worthless. But, living in the acres of green has presented more opportunities for living "green" as Bubblez travels the path toward self-sufficiency (and bitches ((and prays)) along the way).

Friday, November 16, 2012

Looking 40 In The Eye

Dear Bubblez,

You are not a sex kitten. You are a mom. You have mom hair and wear mom jeans or more often, yoga pants. All of your daily activities are, in some way, mom related. Quit acting like an idiot with your semi-flirtatious ways. If you can't be sexy, you can at least be respectable.

I know this makes you sad. I promise that it makes Sheldon feel even worse, because he is a man, and men believe that they deserve a sex kitten. Right about now, he's looking at his life and feeling cheated. He will probably be shopping for a Ferrari sometime soon. That's just how it works. You will look at his sexy new car and know that it should be you making Shel's motor run, but you will shrug your shoulders and resign yourself to it because you are too damned tired to be anything more to anyone else.

You are quickly approaching 40, and although I know you are fighting the mentality that 40 is a significant milestone, it's eating at you. I know what 40 means to you.

It means that your version of a fun night involves having another couple over to play cards instead of going out dancing. It means that your personality that you have fought so hard to keep shiny since the babies came, is about to be outshined by young adults with shiny personalities of their own. You have to let that happen. Kids need to shine like they need to eat.

It means a new kind of make-up for mature faces and saying goodbye to pink hair. It means comfortable shoes and regular doses of ibuprofen or aspirin as well as lots of vitamins, and potentially blood pressure or cholesterol meds.

It means that the tables are turning and it's your turn to take care of your parents instead of them taking care of you. It means a lot more work and a lot less play. For you, it probably means that the furrow in your brow is going to get deeper.

Yesterday, you admitted that you'd rather watch the ball drop on New Year's Eve on TV in your warm living room than spend all day standing in the cold in Times Square. Sheldon didn't believe you. He can't accept that you're getting older, getting tired, losing your spark. It's not like you to pass up an adventure.

Oh stop crying.

Other "older" women seem to have found a way to keep their zest. Ok. Yes. Some of them are faking it. You will probably try that, too. Quitting really isn't in your DNA, but it bothers me to see how often you've considered it as of late.

At the very least, do this for me. Color your hair silver while your face still looks youngish. Trust me. It will be a cool look, and it won't be fun anymore if you wait until silver's natural. Also, get a tattoo while your skin is still resilient. You should also consider joining a gym.

Just remember, if you start feeling sexy again, do NOT flirt with younger men. It's distasteful and gross to be a cougar.


P.S. Love yourself.

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