Chicken Fried Vogue

For 15 years and most of her adult life, Bubblez lived in the suburbs of a major metropolitan city. She enjoyed taking her children to museums, parks, and dates at Starbucks. Then Bubblez moved to the country and her En Vogue attitude got chicken fried. Her yard is a park where the neighbor's rooster won't stop crowing, Starbucks is almost an hour away, and her large collection of fancy shoes is worthless. But, living in the acres of green has presented more opportunities for living "green" as Bubblez travels the path toward self-sufficiency (and bitches ((and prays)) along the way).

Thursday, September 5, 2013

I'm Not Dead Yet

This post was actually written in June of 2013.

After almost 12 years of being a SAHM, Bubblez went and got herself a job. It was pretty cool, actually. One day a couple of months ago, I thought to myself, "hey lady, you need a job." I told all of the significant people in my life that I planned to get a job. I put my feelers out and started networking, and boom, Bubbz is back in the work force and LOVING it. Seriously, it's the most fun job I've ever had; cooking at a country club.

I'm sure I shocked the hell out of Sheldon, as normally, I have poor follow through on decisions like this. Also, and maybe I did so well with it because, I didn't consult him first. I didn't bring it up casually and roll it around the way I typically have with things. I just made the decision, announced the decision, and then did it. It's not been easy for him, and I understand that, but I need this job like I need air, so discussion and compromise are out.  

When I'm not working, I'm trying to keep up with all the stuff I used to have all day to do at home. I suck at that, but I am improving. I honestly just can't seem to get my head into it. In fact, I can't seem to get my head into anything consistent or good, lately, that isn't my job. I'm restless these days. Sitting at home makes me crazy, and I spend a lot of time doing just enough to make sure no one will need anything while I'm gone, because even when I'm not working, I'm gone a lot.

I've got a plague in my soul. Before we moved to Indiana, Shel and I were having a lot of issues. Moving seemed like a fresh start. There was a lot of hope for a positive future. I sort of resigned myself to never being blissfully happy, to aim for contentment in knowing that I was providing for others needs and doing my wife/mother/daughter/friend job to the best of my ability.

Apparently, I don't have it in my blood to be content with shit like that. I'm an emotional person, a Pisces for Pete's sake, if you put any stock in that sort of thing, and I need to FEEL things. I did really well for about a year and half until boredom and malaise set in. Well, anyway, I'm on a new path and we'll see where it takes me.

2 comments:

  1. Why were you gone "a lot", and are you still? I was under the impression that your kids were still, well, kids.

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    1. Good question. I was anxious, antsy, and just kind of stir crazy. It wasn't good, not feeling that way or how I handled it. I'm home far more often now that I've addressed some problems and other changes have been made.

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